The 12 Pains of Christmas
by Willowsnake
Summary: Christmas is just around the corner, and Seto and Joey are at it again – this time as a couple with a newly adopted pair of five-year-old twins. And they want this to be the best Christmas ever…but can they? CHRISTMAS DRABBLES! REVISED!
1. Finding a Christmas Tree

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh! of _The 12 Pains of Christmas_ by Bob Rivers

*Rated T for Teen

* * *

**Summary:** Christmas is just around the corner, and Seto and Joey are at it again – this time as a couple with a newly adopted pair of five-year-old twins. And they want this to be the best Christmas ever…but can it?

* * *

**Finding a Christmas Tree**

_The first thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me is finding a Christmas tree._

Seto wasn't particularly fond of Christmas, per say. No. He just never had the opportunity to take part in the holiday with a _real _family.

Both he and Joey had gotten together immediately after high school and with a thirteen-year-old Mokuba in tow, they'd decided to adopt a pair of twins named Kai and Jovi; they were five. They'd finally come into their home the first day of December and were welcomed with loving arms.

And Joey was determined to make this the best Christmas possible, even dragging Seto into his plans to ensure _all_ of them had a wonderful holiday season.

The five of them were currently standing in a Christmas Tree Lot. But this wasn't any Christmas Tree Lot. Here, you could chop down your own tree.

And a pissed off Seto Kaiba was holding the axe.

"Just pick a damn tree already!" he barked.

"But we can't pick _any _tree," piped up Jovi, sending her adoptive father a glare that matched his own, her brown hair billowing and blue eyes flaring up.

"Yeah! It has to be the _best _tree!" added Kai excitedly, joy lighting up in his amber eyes, blond hair bouncing as he jumped in excitement.

"Come on, Seto. Get in the Christmas spirit," urged Mokuba as he wandered off with the twins, in search of the perfect tree. He was just as jubilant as they were.

Joey came up beside Seto and intertwined their fingers as he grasped his hand. Giving it a gentle squeeze, he said, "Seto, let them have their fun. This isn't somethin' ya do every year. It's our first Christmas together as a family."

Seto frowned for a time before sighing. "You're right. I'm sorry, Puppy. It's just…I've never had a Christmas like this before, so everything's new and I'm not sure if I know what to do."

Leaning up, Joey kissed him lightly on the lips, causing his Dragon to groan. "You've done pretty well with our relationship so far."

Seto suddenly got a mischievous smirk on his face. "Do you think we'd get kicked out if we made love in the tree lot? That might help me get in the holiday spirit."

Joey's face flashed red. "Ya per—"

"Here!" Joey was prevented from finishing his sentence by Kai's cry of delight.

"Looks like they found a tree," said Joey, leading Seto in the direction of the ruckus.

"It's about time," Seto grumbled under his breath.

When they turned around the bend, both Seto and Joey halted in their tracks.

"You've gotta be shitting me. There's no way in hell I'm chopping that thing down!" Seto roared, pointing at the twenty foot tree.

"Then get a chainsaw," suggested Jovi as if it were the most obvious solution, "because this is the best tree."

"Can we get it? Please?" begged Kai, giving Seto puppy eyes. It seemed Kai had three accomplices, because now he had a total of four pairs of puppy eyes turned on him.

"Fine. Fine! We'll get the damn tree," he answered, stomping off to get a chainsaw.

* * *

_**Kaiba Mansion**__**(Living Room)**_

They'd finally managed to get the confounded tree into the living room. They needed a total of ten people just to stand the tree up. Thankfully, they had a really high ceiling. And as soon as the tree was upright, everyone had set about decorating it. Even Seto!

"Okay! Let's turn off the lights!" shouted Kai excitedly.

As Joey turned off the lights, Mokuba flipped the switch that turned the lights on the tree.

Everyone stood in awe of the breathtaking presence of it. Red and gold ribbons and ornaments glittered and sparkled as the white lights danced about the tree. It was truly magnificent to behold.

After staring at the tree for some time, Joey finally broke the silence when he noticed the yawning twins.

"I thinks it's time for bed," said Joey as he lifted a small child in each arm with ease. "Are ya comin', Seto?"

"I'll…be there in a bit," he replied.

Joey smiled at him knowingly and left the room with the dozing off children.

Seto watched them go and turned back to face the tree, thinking. Getting a tree, putting it up, decorating it, and seeing the efforts of their hard work paid off felt…spectacular. He could definitely see himself doing this every year. It actually made him happy, especially when he got to share it with the ones he loved.

Stepping away from the tree, he left the living room with a smile on his face, only to immediately stop in his tracks. The happiness he'd been feeling earlier was gone.

"Who the hell is going to get all of these fucking pine needles off my floor?" he roared. His voice echoed throughout the mansion. Everyone had disappeared.

Seto took back what he'd thought earlier. Next year, they were getting a synthetic tree.

* * *

**End Drabble**


	2. Rigging Up the Lights

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh! of _The 12 Pains of Christmas_ by Bob Rivers

*Rated T for Teen

* * *

**Rigging Up the Lights**

_The second thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me is rigging up the lights._

"You're trying to kill me, aren't you?"

Joey gave an exasperated sigh as he rolled his eyes at Seto's declaration. "I am _not _tryin' to kill ya," he insisted. "Can ya please—"

"Absolutely not," Seto quipped, crossing his arms.

"But—"

"Why the hell do I have to rig up the Christmas lights on the mansion anyway? Why can't you do it?" inquired Seto curiously.

Joey blushed and suddenly found the floor to be very interesting. "I have to watch the kids."

"Pup, you know I'm more than capable of doing that. What's the _real_ reason?"

"I…I can't reach. Even on the ladder I can't reach up high enough to put up the lights," Joey answered softly.

Seto closed his eyes and stifled a groan. _Of course. What else would it be?_ he thought. "Fine. I'll do it."

Joey let out a high pitched squeal as he threw his arms around Seto's neck and kissed him for all he was worth.

* * *

There! He'd done it! He'd rigged up all the damn lights! All he had to do now was plug it in and—

"Puppy!" called Seto from outside.

Joey poked his head through the front door. "Yeah?"

"Where are the extension cords?"

"Why are ya askin' me?"

"You're the one who wanted to put up these damn lights in the first place. I just _assumed_ you would have brought out the extension cords."

"Oh, no! Don't ya dare put this one me! You find the extension cords! It's your damn fuckin' mansion, not mine!"

And with that, Joey went back into the mansion, slamming the door shut behind him.

Seto just stood there in shock. What hell had crawled up his Puppy's ass and died? He'd agreed to put these stupid ass lights up, didn't he?

Well, on a more positive note, he was glad he could still get his Puppy so riled up.

Pushing those thoughts aside, Seto marched into the mansion and headed for the storage closest. After a good half an hour of searching, Seto let out a roar of frustration. "WHAT? WE HAVE NO EXTENSION CORDS?"

Joey chose that moment to come up behind him. "Then just go to the hardware store and get some. It's no big deal."

Seto turned around, glaring at him while grumbling curse words under his breath. Joey remained unaffected as he watched Seto leave to buy extension cords.

* * *

There! He'd bought the fucking extension cord! All 75 feet of it!

Seto hooked one end of the extension cord to the lights and headed for the outlet to plug it in. He practically fell flat on his ass when he suddenly felt the lack of slack from the cord.

"FUCKING SHIT!" He was a mere six inches—SIX FUCKING INCHES—from the outlet. The extension cord wasn't long enough.

Seto stared at the extension cord for a full five minutes before he realized the cord wouldn't get any longer. He went back into the mansion to grab his trench coat.

"Where are ya goin'?" Joey asked when he noticed Seto getting ready to leave.

"To the hardware store…again," he spat.

"What? Why?"

"The cord I bought is too fucking short. I'll be back in half an hour."

* * *

There! He bought a 150 foot extension cord! That should work!

Seto smirked triumphantly as he was about to plug in the lights. Joey, Mokuba, Kai and Jovi came outside to see.

He plugged it in.

Seto's triumphant smirk turned into an expression of dismay. "NOW WHY THE HELL ARE THEY BLINKING?"

Everyone flinched. They hadn't seen Seto this mad since he lost to Yami in a duel.

"Seto, it's all right if they blink," Joey said, hoping to appease him. It didn't work.

"I will _not _have these stupid lights blinking during all hours of the night!" Seto marched right back up the ladder to fiddle with the lights.

Only to have all the Christmas lights go out.

"WHY IS IT THAT WHEN ONE LIGHT GOES OUT, THEY ALL GO OUT?" Seto yelled, pulling at his hair.

Messing with the lights again, he finally got them to turn back on, but only for a matter of seconds before the power went out throughout the entire mansion.

Seto practically jumped off the ladder and nearly sprinted into the mansion. "Somebody get me a damn flashlight! I blew a fuse!"

Mokuba hurried off to fetch his brother a flashlight. Finally handing him one, Seto, and the rest of his family, went down to the fuse box.

After many curses and smacks from the flashlight, the power finally kicked back on.

Everyone left to go back outside, only to find the Christmas lights blinking again. Seto was about ready to rip the lights off the mansion and strangle somebody with them.

"Seto? I know the lights came with directions. What does it say about shuttin' off the blinkin'?" asked Joey calmly.

At this point, Seto just about blew his own fuse. "DIRECTIONS? THESE FUCKING THINGS COME WITH DIRECTIONS? WHY THE HELL DIDN'T YOU TELL ME THAT EARLIER?"

Joey looked momentarily dumbfounded. "I…thought ya already knew how to rig up the Christmas lights. I mean, if the Yamis can do it, I'm pretty sure ya can."

"FINE! YOU KNOW WHAT? SINCE YOU'RE SO SMART, YOU RIG UP THE DAMN LIGHTS!"

They all watched as Seto stormed into the house.

"Mokuba, can ya—"

"Already on it," Mokuba replied as he whipped out his cell phone, getting ready to call some _people_ who knew how to do this sort of thing quickly and efficiently.

It was going to be a _long_ Christmas.

* * *

**End Drabble**


	3. Hangovers

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh! of _The 12 Pains of Christmas_ by Bob Rivers

*Rated T for Teen

* * *

**Hangovers**

_The third thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me is hangovers._

"I can't believe ya got drunk last night because of the stupid Christmas lights," Joey said, slamming the dishtowel on the counter. It was the following morning and both he and Seto were in the kitchen.

Seto was currently nursing a pounding headache while Joey tried to make everyone breakfast. He'd burned the eggs three times, he was so mad. He finally settled on everyone having cereal for breakfast.

"I wasn't drunk," Seto deadpanned, rubbing his temples.

"Ya weren't, huh? Then what do ya call this?"

Seto raised his head to look at his Puppy. What on earth was he talking about? His eyes widened when Joey shoved his cell phone under his nose. There was a nice little drunken video of him, topless and bottomless, parading around their bedroom, singing dirty Christmas carols.

* * *

_**Last Night**_

"Seto? Are ya drunk?" Joey exclaimed.

"No!" came the giggled reply as Seto nuzzled Joey's neck affectionately. This was really starting to freak the blond out. Especially when Seto started taking off his clothes.

"Seto! Wait! What are ya doin'?"

The brunet was now down to only his boxers. A confused look crossed his face when he looked back at Joey. "I'm gonna sing," came the slurred reply. Now Joey was thoroughly confused. And Seto was trying to sport a glare as if what he were doing were obvious.

Not quite knowing how to handle Seto at this point, Joey said slowly, "Okay. Um…what are ya gonna sing?"

Seto's eyes suddenly lit up and Joey mentally smacked himself in the head. Why did he even have to ask? It was bound to be eccentric. It was Seto after all.

"I'm gonna sing _Walking 'Round in Women's Underwear_. It's sung to the tune _Winter Wonderland_."

Was it just him, or was Seto sounding even more like a child. Either way, Joey was not going to pass up this opportunity for some decent blackmail. So he grabbed his cell phone and started recording his lover strutting his stuff in the bedroom. Joey almost fell over, however, when Seto actually started singing. He didn't even know Seto knew the words!

After he finished singing, he passed out on the floor.

* * *

_**Back to the Present**_

Seto stared in horror at what he'd just witnessed on Joey's cell phone. His Puppy had to literally pry the phone from his grasp; he was holding it so tight.

"I told ya! Ya were drunk last night!" stated Joey, waving the phone in his face.

Seto let his head hit the table and groaned. "Fine! You were right! I was drunk last night! Now shut the fuck up! I have a hangover!"

Joey smirked in triumph and went to get his lover some aspirin and his morning cup of coffee. It felt good to be right.

But he couldn't help but wonder what Seto would do if he paraded around their bedroom in women's underwear. It was an interesting thought. He'd have to try it sometime.

* * *

**End Drabble**


	4. Sending Christmas Cards

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh! of _The 12 Pains of Christmas_ by Bob Rivers

*Rated T for Teen

* * *

**Sending Christmas Cards**

_The fourth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me is sending Christmas cards._

Joey had finally found a use for his 'video clip blackmail.' And boy, was Seto fuming.

After some _persuasion_, Joey had convinced Seto to get into the Christmas spirit by sending Christmas cards to all of his employees and their families. Seto didn't quite understand the reason, and when Joey had continued, saying that he should give them Christmas bonuses as well, he'd nearly blown a fuse.

But after seeing 'his performance' one last time, he figured it would be best to send Christmas cards with bonuses to his employees rather than a graphic e-card sent by his Puppy. There was no way he could win this one.

He'd tried destroying the phone. And he'd succeeded, too. But his Puppy had made numerous copies that he hadn't been able to find.

So now here he was, stuck in this never-ending loop of Christmas card hell.

Seto, Joey, Kai, Jovi, and Mokuba sat around the dining room table.

Kai would pass Seto a Christmas card; Seto would sign it and pass it to Jovi; Jovi would place the Christmas bonus inside the card and pass it to Joey; Joey would write the name of the employee on the envelope, put the card inside, and pass it to Mokuba; Mokuba would then have to lick the envelope, seal it, and place it on the nice stack developing right next to him.

Mokuba groaned after licking his fiftieth envelope. "Can we switch places or something?" he whined. He was tired of licking envelopes. They tasted nasty.

"Absolutely not," Joey quipped. "It's your own fault, anyway."

"How is it my fault?" exclaimed Mokuba.

Joey turned on him with a glare. "Ya ate all five packs of candy canes! That was for everyone! Now since ya liked lickin' the damn candy canes so much, these envelopes shouldn't be too hard for ya!"

Mokuba fumed. It wasn't his fault he had such a sweet tooth. "Seto—"

"Listen to your mother, Mokuba," Seto interrupted with a smirk. Maybe, if he could make his Puppy mad enough, all of them could get out of this stupid thing.

Joey sputtered indignantly. "Mother! Do I look like a mother to ya?"

Seto gave him a once over and said, "No, but you sure as hell act like you're PMS-ing."

"That's it!" Joey screamed. Seto inwardly smirked in triumph. "Mokuba! Switch places with your brother!"

Seto's face paled slightly. That wasn't how his plan was supposed to work. "What do you mean by switch places?"

Joey's glare became deadly. "Ya know exactly what I mean. Now switch places or no _sweets_ for a month."

Seto grumbled as he got up from his seat and switched with Mokuba. He knew what _sweets_ meant, and he'd be damned if he wasn't going to get _any_ for a month. He'd die.

As soon as Mokuba sat down, however, Seto realized something. "Wait. They'll know it's not my signature if Mokuba signs."

Joey smirked and Mokuba gulped. "I happen to know for a fact that Mokuba can forge your signature quite well. Isn't that right, Mokuba?"

Mokuba tried very hard to avoid his brother's heated gaze. "Joey? Can't you just ground me instead?" he asked quietly.

"Nope," Joey replied. "Now start signin'. Perhaps you'll think twice about forgin' your brother's signature after you've signed it about two-hundred more times."

Mokuba groaned again. This was going to be a long day. From now on, he'd stay on Joey's good side. He'd definitely have to after today. Joey was probably the only one who could protect him after Seto found out what he'd used his signature for.

"Mokuba," growled Seto.

"Not now, Seto. Later," said Joey, writing another name on an envelope.

About half an hour later, Seto was the one groaning. "I don't even know half these people."

"Stop complainin' and do somethin' charitable for once. If it weren't for _these people_, ya wouldn't have a very successful company, now, would ya?"

Seto had to admit that Joey had a point. And letting his employees know that he appreciated them might give them some incentive to work even harder the upcoming year.

But he still wanted to know what Mokuba had done. What did Joey know that he didn't?

Two hours later, they were finally done. Joey had taken Kai and Jovi, given them some hot cocoa, and sent them to bed. He came back to the dining room just in time to see Seto and Mokuba face off.

"What did you do?" Seto ground out.

"Um…I…kinda used your signature to get something…that I normally couldn't get otherwise," Mokuba answered sheepishly.

"And what would that be?" urged Seto.

Mokuba remained silent.

Joey sighed, seeing as how this was getting nowhere fast. "Mokuba, would ya just tell him about the Playgirl magazines under your bed already?"

Mokuba stared at Joey openmouthed, looking aghast. "They're not Playgirl! They're Playb—" Mokuba almost forgot Seto was there, "—boy, look at the time! Is it that late already? I better get to bed!"

Mokuba practically flew out of the room, leaving a dumbfounded Seto in his wake.

"MOKUBA!" roared Seto as he started running after him.

"AAAHHHHH!" Joey heard Mokuba scream.

Joey couldn't help but be slightly amused. It was amazing what a simple act such as sending Christmas cards could do. But this wasn't how he wanted their holiday to be. It should be fun, filled with laughter and joy…from everyone…and he wasn't doing too good a job at doing that.

How could he make everyone happy this holiday season? Joey sat down, placed his elbows on the table, and rested his chin in his hands, looking utterly depressed.

* * *

**End Drabble**


	5. Months of Bills

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh! of _The 12 Pains of Christmas_ by Bob Rivers

*Rated T for Teen

* * *

**Months of Bills**

_The fifth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me is months of bills._

Seto glared at the credit card bill be held in his hand, mentally willing away the extra zeros he saw there. Had they really spent $5,000 on just Christmas decorations? And that was nothing compared to what they'd spent on presents and everything else.

He'd have to have a talk with his Puppy about this. He needed to vent, and Joey always seemed to make him feel better. He'd just say something like they'd be paying bills for months, his Puppy would be all cute and comfort him and say that he just did everything in the spirit of Christmas, and then he would feel better again.

Now all he had to do was find his Puppy.

Come to think of it, he hadn't seen Joey all morning. Was he still in bed? It was a little past noon already.

Growing concerned, Seto headed upstairs to their bedroom. Opening the door quietly, he stepped inside and found a large mass buried underneath the blankets.

Seto smiled to himself and crept over to the bed. He was about to pounce, when he suddenly heard Joey sniff. Listening closely, he noticed that his Puppy was crying. Approaching him hesitantly, Seto pulled back the covers and slipped into bed next to him.

When the brunet tried putting his arms around him, Joey moved away. "What's the matter, Puppy?" Seto asked worriedly. Had he done something to upset him?

"Nothin'," came the muffled reply.

"How can it be nothing when you're crying in our bed? It's already past noon. You've _never_ been in bed _this_ late."

"Past…noon?" Had he really been in bed that long?

"Yeah. Are you feeling okay?" Seto asked, reaching out to feel Joey's forehead. The blond pulled away again. "Will you stop doing that!" he snapped.

Joey whimpered and curled into a fetal position.

Seto sighed and tried to calm himself down. It looked like he had the role of comforter this time. But he needed to know what was wrong in order to help his Puppy.

"I'm sorry, Puppy. I didn't mean to bite. I just…get frustrated when you're upset and you don't tell me why. I want to help you, but I can't if you don't tell me what's wrong."

Joey laid there for a few more minutes before turning around to face Seto. He buried his face in his Dragon's chest, seeking comfort.

Seto reached out again, this time stroking Joey's back comfortingly. "Will you tell me now?"

The blond hesitated before speaking. "I ruined Christmas."

The brunet looked taken aback. "You didn't ruin Christmas."

"Yes, I did!" Joey insisted. "I want this Christmas to be the best ever. It's our first Christmas as a family and I'm screwin' it all up. I shouldn't have made ya put up the lights or do the Christmas cards. It's been nothin' but trouble."

"Puppy, that's not true. If anything, you're trying your hardest to make this work. None of us have ever had a real Christmas together as a family. You've been doing your best and I think I've been making things difficult for you. I'm not used to spending time together with a family doing all these little things. Before, cutting down a tree, putting up lights, even sending Christmas cards, seemed pointless to me. I'm just not used to doing these sorts of things. I've always had other people do them. But that was before. You wanted us to do these things together as a family so that we could share these special moments together. I'm sorry for being such a jerk. I'll make it up to you, though, all right?"

"Ya mean that?" Joey asked sincerely.

"Of course I do. I love you. And I want our family to be happy this holiday season…and always."

"Oh, Seto. I love ya, too," replied Joey, hugging him tightly. "Thank ya."

"You're welcome. Now, do you mind comforting me for a bit?"

"About what?" Joey asked, looking puzzled.

"Our credit card bill."

"What credit card bill?"

"_This_ credit card bill," Seto answered, pulling out the bill and handing it over to Joey.

The blond's eyes widened dramatically. "What the hell did ya buy?"

"Presents, decorations, the usual. We'll be paying these bills for months."

"What do ya mean months? Ya own a billion dollar company! Ya could pay this off in a heartbeat!"

Seto huffed and lay on his back. It was then that Joey realized what Seto had been pining after.

"Oh, I get it now. Did somebody want some puppy-lovin' today? Ya know, ya don't have to find an excuse to get my attention. Ya could always ask, ya know."

Seto's expression suddenly took on a mischievous look. "I could always take what I want, too," he said as he pounced on Joey without warning.

They were in for a nice, long afternoon. Hopefully Mokuba would be able to keep Kai and Jovi occupied for a very long time.

* * *

**End Drabble**


	6. Facing the In Laws

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh! of _The 12 Pains of Christmas_ by Bob Rivers

*Rated T for Teen

* * *

**Facing the In-Laws**

_The sixth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me is facing the in-laws._

"I hate your mother," Seto stated maliciously as Joey straightened his Dragon's tie. Joey had decided, much to Seto's disapproval, to invite his mother, sister, and father over to the Kaiba Mansion for a little family get-together. Basically, this so-called get-together was to introduce the _grandchildren_ to the _grandparents_. The only problem with that was Joey's mother hated them all and would undoubtedly hate Kai and Jovi.

Joey's father, on the other hand, had straightened himself out. He no longer drank or gambled, had gotten himself a steady job as an electrician, and had become a very active part of their lives. When Joey had called and told him he was a grandfather, he'd nearly burst into tears, he was so happy. Having a big family again did wonders on the old man.

"Seto," Joey scolded, "ya don't hate her."

"Why can't I hate her? _You_ don't even like her."

"That's different."

"How the hell is that different?" the brunet spat indignantly. Joey's answer was a quick tightening of Seto's tie. Rearing back, Seto loosened it and glared at him. "I don't see why you had to invite that bitch anyway."

Joey let out a sigh of frustration. "I had to invite her because that's the only way Serenity could come. She's still a minor, ya know."

"We should just fight for custody," Seto grumbled. He hated Joey's mother. It had all started when they first met. She'd called him 'a lucrative setback in the manic world of commerce and industry, without so much as a notion for the disposition of paucity and destitution in society.' Those were _her _words exactly.

Joey had no idea what she'd said…or meant for that matter. And Seto was not willing to let the blond know that she'd essentially called him a rich bastard who didn't give a rat's ass about the poor. His company set up fundraisers, and offered grants and scholarships for those needing financial aid. Hell, he'd even opened a welfare center sponsored by his company!

But that was beside the point.

"Seto, can ya _please_ behave today? I want this to go as painlessly as possible. Kai and Jovi are meeting their aunt and grandparents for the first time," Joey pleaded.

Seto sighed. "I'll try."

"Thank ya, Seto. Oh! I've got a ham in the oven for dinner, so I better check on that now," Joey said hurriedly as he made his way to the door.

"I hope she chokes on the damn thing," Seto grumbled, still fuming.

"What was that?" Joey hissed, snapping his head around.

"Nothing," Seto responded quickly. Joey narrowed his eyes at him disbelievingly, but left anyway. It was going to be one hell of a day.

* * *

"They're here! They're here! They're here!" Kai cried when he heard the doorbell ring.

Joey scampered toward the front door, straightened himself out, plastered a smile on his face, and opened the door.

And there stood his parents, with Serenity acting as a shield between them. Their mother and father seemed to be quite flustered already.

"Are you going to let us in or just stand there gaping like an idiot?" quipped his mother.

Joey glared, keeping his mouth shut as he stepped off to the side to let them in. She blew past him, Serenity came up and hugged him before stepping inside, and his father gave him the biggest bear hug ever before, patting him on the back.

When everyone was inside, the introductions began.

"Mom, Dad, Serenity, these two little ones are our children. This is Kai and that's Jovi."

Joey's father approached the twins and knelt in front of them. "Hey! You two can call me Grandpa! Now, how about you give your Grandpa a hug?"

Kai and Jovi giggled as they threw their arms around their new grandfather. He picked them up and twirled them around.

Joey's mother rolled her eyes.

"And I'm your Aunt Serenity, but you can call me Auntie Ren."

The twins scrambled away from their grandfather in order to get to their Auntie Ren. They were quite excited to have an aunt as well.

"You got yourself a fine pair of kids," said Joey's father.

Joey beamed and Seto smiled slightly at the older man. "Thank you. We love them very much. They'll probably want you to visit often, too," said Seto.

"So you're our Grandma?" inquired Kai, drawing everyone's attention over to them. Said Grandma just huffed her disapproval.

Upon seeing her brother's downcast look, Jovi grew angry. No one treated _her _brother that way.

"You're mean," stated Jovi bluntly.

That got old Grannie's attention. "You're rude."

"You're cruel."

"You're disrespectful."

"You gotta give respect to earn it," argued Jovi.

"_Children_ should always respect their _elders_ outright."

"_Elders _should always treat their _children_ nicely."

They both crossed their arms and stared at each other.

Everyone was too shocked to do anything else.

"I live by the expression: Children should be seen and not heard."

"I live by the expression: Recycle your elderly."

Seto had to bite his cheek to keep from laughing. They had adopted a fairly intelligent little girl; she was like a female version of him. While Jovi resembled Seto in nearly every way, Kai resembled Joey in nearly every way.

"I wonder if I put a bar of soap in your mouth if that foul language with cease."

"I wonder if I throw a cup of water at you if you'll start melting."

_Oh, crap! _Joey thought to himself. _Jovi just referred to her as the Wicked Witch of the West! This has got to st—_

Joey nearly fainted when his mother started laughing. She was laughing!

"Finally," his mother wheezed, "finally a kid in the family with some backbone. Come on here and give your Grandma a hug."

And Jovi did just that.

"…what about me?" Kai asked quietly. His Grandpa stepped up behind him and placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Look on the bright side. Now, I think, you have a Grandpa all to yourself."

Kai wasn't too sure how he felt about that. He wanted to share both grandparents with his sister.

"Kai! Come say hi to Grandma!" called out Jovi. Kai didn't have to hear that twice.

Seto and Joey just stood there in shock.

"What just happened?" asked Joey.

"Your mother and our daughter are getting along and somehow brought the family together," Seto replied robotically. "I think I just found the heir to Kaiba Corp."

"Yeah. And you can call her 'mini me.' Right, Seto?" Mokuba laughed.

"Pfft. Ya need to teach her how to duel. She'll have all the boys grovelin' at her feet."

"What boys?" Seto exclaimed.

* * *

Everyone was happy. Dinner had gone well, they were all socializing, and they were one, big family once again.

"This turned out to be a really great day, Seto," said Joey.

"I'm glad."

"Daddy! Papa! Grandma and Grandpa are doing what you guys do!" announced Kai as he and Jovi entered the living room. Their grandparents were nowhere in sight.

"What do ya mean?" Joey asked.

"They locked the door to one of the rooms and they're making the sounds you and Papa do when you're wrestling," Jovi explained innocently.

Joey's eyes rolled to the back of his head and he fell over in a dead faint.

* * *

Twenty minutes later, Seto had revived his distraught Puppy and told him that his parents were getting married…again…

Joey keeled over once more at that news.

The holidays were becoming quite interesting.

* * *

**End Drabble**


	7. Charities

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh! of _The 12 Pains of Christmas_ by Bob Rivers

*Rated T for Teen

* * *

**Charities**

_The seventh thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me is charities._

"Go get a job you fucking, lazy bum!" roared Seto as he walked past the gates of his mansion. Moving quickly, he finally reached the front door.

The closer it got to Christmas, the more people crawled out from whatever rock they were hiding under to ask him for money. And he _hated _it! But Joey would definitely think differently; he was just too nice for his own good.

Shedding off his trench coat in the foyer, his Puppy eagerly greeted him.

"Hey, Dragon," Joey said sweetly as he stretched up to give Seto a kiss. "How was your day?"

"Too long," Seto grumbled in response. "The driver's sick, so I had to walk home from work. About every five fucking minutes, some crazy hobo nearly tackled me and asked me for money."

"And did ya give these crazy hobos some money?"

"Hell no. If they want money then they can get a damn job," Seto snapped, heading for the living room with Joey in tow.

"That wasn't very charitable of ya, Seto. It's almost Christmas. The least ya can do is offer them somethin'," stated Joey seriously.

"Why? So they can spend the money on booze and drugs? I don't think so," he quipped, sitting down on the couch. Joey sat next to him.

"Ya don't _have _to give them money. Ya could pass out food or old clothin' or somethin'. At least that way ya know that what you're givin' them would be put to good use."

"Hn. They'd probably just throw it away. They want cold, hard cash, not warm clothes or hot food."

Joey grew quiet. "You'd be surprised what people would accept when they're livin' out on the streets this time of year," he said, pulling his knees up to his chest and wrapping his arms around them. He seemed to grow distant after that.

Seto looked at him fully at that. What did he mean? His Puppy couldn't have—

"You've been like that," Seto said suddenly, realizing what Joey meant. "You've lived out on the streets like them."

Joey nodded his head slowly.

"I'm sorry, Puppy. I didn't know. Why didn't you tell me before?" And what had happened those days when he'd lived out on the streets?

"It wasn't somethin' I cared to relive. It's hard, especially durin' the holidays. When you're out on the streets, ya see all the families runnin' around together, goin' shoppin', eatin', and havin' fun. They look so happy, cheerful, warm, and content. And then you're just standin' there, freezin' your ass off, wonderin' if you'll survive the cold that night so that ya can see it all again tomorrow. You're hungry, so ya dig through the trash, lookin' for leftovers that just might still be warm. And when ya need to sleep—that's the hardest. Ya have to find a spot to hide, where the cops can't find ya and where other _hobos_ can't find ya…or else they'll steal your clothes so _they_ can survive the night. It's not easy, Seto. Not one bit."

Seto was speechless. After hearing Joey's story—what he'd been thorough—it made him feel…guilty. He hadn't realized how much he'd taken his own life for granted.

"I would've given just about anythin' for a hot meal or a safe place to sleep," Joey continued, "but now I have ya. Seto, I just want ya to think twice before ya start degradin' people livin' on the streets. Sometimes there's never a choice."

If he felt guilty before, he sure as hell felt guiltier now, especially since it looked like his Puppy was about to cry.

Reaching over, Seto pulled Joey into his lap and held him, feeling the need to wash away all those cold, lonely nights his Puppy had spent out on the streets.

Joey sighed while Seto rocked and kissed him. It felt good to be safe, loved, and cherished, to feel like you were worth something. Not everyone got to feel that way.

"We're taking the family out tomorrow," said Seto, breaking the silence.

"To do what?" Joey asked, twisting his neck so that he could see his lover.

"We're going to do a bit of shopping and put together some gift packs to give out to the homeless. I'll also see what I can do about finding them some shelter."

"Ya mean that?"

"I do."

Joey's eyes lit up and he embraced his strong Dragon. "Thank ya."

"Anything for you."

"Hey, Seto?"

"Hm?" he answered, glancing down at his loving Puppy, who now had a mischievous twinkle in his eye.

"I'm feelin' a bit _charitable_ right now. How about ya?" Joey smirked as he suddenly rubbed his Dragon's crotch.

Taking him by surprise, Seto growled as he swept Joey up in his arms bridal style and marched toward their room.

Seto decided that he could be charitable in more ways than one, especially with a naughty little Puppy he knew.

* * *

**End Drabble**


	8. Whining Children

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh! of _The 12 Pains of Christmas_ by Bob Rivers

*Rated T for Teen

* * *

**Whining Children**

_The eighth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me is whining children._

Seto didn't like the mall. He _despised _the mall. He _hated _the mall. But he had to be here anyway because Kai and Jovi wanted to go Christmas shopping without their Daddy along. And Seto seemed to be the logical choice in the matter. One, he was Papa. And two, he had the funds to do so.

The worst thing that he could have possibly done, he ended up doing. Why he did it, he didn't know. He _should_ have known better. But now he was trapped with no means of escape. He knew he couldn't get out of this one…no matter _what _he did.

WHY DID HE HAVE TO WALK BY THE GODDAMN TOY STORE?

"Papa! I want a Transformer for Christmas!" Kai exclaimed, pointing at the display case in the store.

Oh, yeah…

WHY DID HE HAVE TO TAKE THEM INTO THE GODDAMN TOY STORE?

"I'll make sure to tell Santa," Seto deadpanned. He'd bought just about every Transformer there was for Kai for Christmas already. There was no need to tell him that little bit of information, though.

"Papa! I want some candy!" Jovi exclaimed, pointing to the rack of candy in the store.

Seto balked.

WHY THE HELL DID THEY SELL CANDY IN A FUCKING TOY STORE?

That was just asking for major hyperactive trouble of apocalyptic proportions. All candy should be banned from toy stores.

"You can have dessert after dinner. I'm sure Daddy has something chocolaty and sweet planned," replied Seto. Joey was going to kill him for this, which reminded him. He should probably call the blond to let him know to have a chocolaty dessert ready at home.

"Papa! Buy me something!" whined Kai, tugging on his Papa's arm roughly.

Seto closed his eyes and tilted his head toward the ceiling, already feeling the oncoming headache. He was in for a big one. Maybe if he ignored them, they'd shut up and they could move on.

No such luck. The whining only intensified.

"Papa! I have to go to the bathroom!" Jovi whined, stomping her foot.

Seto groaned. What were they doing? Taking turns whining or something? Well, it could have been worse. They could both be—

"WAAAAAH! WAAAAAH!" Kai and Jovi cried simultaneously. They both had some major waterworks going on at the moment, red faces and all. Apparently, he'd spent too much time contemplating the situation and not enough time paying attention to them.

"Hey! It's okay! It's okay! Stop crying!" Seto said, frantically trying to get them to calm down.

Customers and employees walked by him, pointed, and glared. They probably thought he was a horrible parent or something, which only made Seto angrier.

And that angry face only made Kai and Jovi cry even more. They thought it was directed toward them.

"Shit!" Seto cursed under his breath.

"Sir! I need to ask you to leave the store. You're disturbing the other customers," said an employee from behind him.

Seto rounded on the petit woman, glaring at her coldly. He was about to say something when Kai and Jovi cried even harder. How? He didn't know.

Losing it, Seto roared, "WILL SOMEBODY GET THESE KIDS A TOY? CANDY? ANYTHING?"

Employees scrambled in every direction, trying to find something to appease the wailing kids and the very pissed off CEO.

A few minutes later, Kai and Jovi had each been given a goodie bag filled with a few small toys and a large candy cane. No charge.

The twins stopped whining after that, content with their gifts.

"That's the last time I take the two of you anywhere _alone_," Seto muttered as he led them out of the toy store.

Kai and Jovi trailed behind happily. Looking at each other, they clanked their candy canes together in victory, quite happy with their prize.

* * *

**End Drabble**


	9. Finding Parking Spaces

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh! of _The 12 Pains of Christmas_ by Bob Rivers

*Rated T for Teen

* * *

**Finding Parking Spaces**

_The ninth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me is finding parking spaces._

Seto gripped the steering wheel so tightly, his knuckles were turning white. Who in their right mind went Christmas shopping the day before Christmas, anyway?

Oh, yeah. That's right. His Puppy!

Since Joey and his mother were now buddy-buddy, his Puppy had panicked because he hadn't gotten her anything for Christmas. Seto could understand that. He could even understand going out on Christmas Eve morning to go Christmas shopping.

What he couldn't understand, however, was why everyone seemed to have the same idea!

"We're going home," Seto growled when another person whipped into the parking spot he'd been eyeing.

"Not now, Seto," Joey warned as he hit a button to replay a song Jovi and Kai wanted to listen to.

Seto's eye twitched when the stupid Chipmunk Christmas song thing played for the fifteenth time. He _hated_ that song. The voices drove him insane! Not to mention it was just about the only thing he'd heard all morning! Not to mention it was all he'd listened to when trying to find a parking space for the past half hour!

Jovi and Kai just sat in the back laughing and singing along with the Chipmunks.

Seto tried taking a calming breath. Soon, he would find a parking space, and his Chipmunk nightmare would be over.

_Aha! I got you now! _Seto thought as a car pulled out of a parking space. He was just about to pull in when—

ANOTHER CAR WHIPPED IN AGAIN!

"NO!" Seto screamed.

Joey just replayed the Chipmunk song.

Seto slammed on the breaks.

"What're ya—" Joey cut himself off when he saw Seto eject the CD, grab it, and launch it out the window. A passerby car ran it over.

Seto smirked triumphantly.

Joey glared.

Jovi and Kai began to cry.

"That's it!" Joey roared as he leaned over Seto to unlock the doors. Opening his door, he stepped out of the car and went to get the bawling Jovi and Kai. "I'm takin' them into the mall. _You_ go find a parkin' space. And when ya do, ya better march yourself to the nearest electronics store and get them a new CD! Is that clear?"

Seto gulped. Had Joey not had that psychotic look in his eye, he might have considered this moment to be a major turn-on. But, alas, it wasn't. In the end, Seto just nodded and watched his Puppy storm off with their children in tow.

A honking sound brought Seto out of his reverie. Looking in the rearview mirror, he narrowed his eyes and frowned. About five cars were behind him, the drivers all looking for a parking space.

It was going to be a long day.

* * *

**End Drabble**


	10. Batteries Not Included

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh! of _The 12 Pains of Christmas_ by Bob Rivers

*Rated T for Teen

* * *

**Batteries Not Included**

_The tenth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me is 'batteries not included.'_

There! He'd finished wrapping all the damn gifts!

"I'm done!" Seto called out to his Puppy.

Joey stopped what he was doing in the kitchen to come see. He spotted Seto in his office, wrapped gifts littering his floor and desk. The blond smiled.

"They look great, Seto! Can ya give me all the batteries so that when the kids open their gifts I can put them in?"

The brunet just stared at him blankly.

"Seto?"

"What batteries?" he asked, confusion lacing his deep voice.

Joey had to stop himself from pouncing on Seto to strangle the life out of him. It was hard. _Really _hard.

"Seto." Joey's voice said trouble. "Batteries aren't included with most of their toys."

The brunet looked down at the wrapped gifts for a moment and then looked back up at his Puppy. "They aren't?"

Joey was about ready to scream! "What? Did ya take stupid pills this mornin' or somethin'!"

The blond winced when he saw a hurt expression cross Seto's face. Now that he thought about it, he hadn't insulted him like that for a very long time. And it did come out of the blue.

"I'm sorry," Joey whispered. "I didn't mean it. It's just—"

"Shh," Seto replied consolingly, putting a finger to Joey's lips, silencing him. He wrapped his arms around his Puppy and just held him, resting his chin atop his head.

"Seto, I didn't—"

"It's okay. I know you didn't mean it. What I don't know is why you're so stressed out. You've been rather uptight the last few days. What's wrong?"

Joey's hands gripped Seto's shirt. "I'm afraid this won't last," he answered finally.

"What won't last?" Seto asked, growing concerned.

"Us…our family…everythin'. Life's not a fairytale. There aren't happy endin's. Sure, ya can be happy for a time, but then somethin' comes along that rips it all away. I want this to be a happy Christmas. But I've never really had one before and I'm a little worried. I think I'm afraid of bein' completely happy because I know somethin' bad could happen that takes it all away."

Joey's amber eyes searched Seto's blue ones for a response, any kind of response that would ease his fears.

"You're missing out on life if you think that way all the time. You'll make yourself miserable. Puppy, you need to treasure each and every day, living life to the fullest. You need to believe in a better tomorrow and that things may actually turn out all right. Stop worrying yourself so much. If you ever need reassurance of how good your life is, take a look around. You have a family who loves you very much, and I would do anything to keep you happy. And I know you'd do the same for me. I love you."

"How do ya always end up sayin' what I need to hear? I always feel better after talkin' to ya." Joey sighed. "I love ya, too."

"You'd better," Seto smirked, "or I may just have to remind you how much I love you."

Joey yelped and tried to pry himself away from Seto's trailing hands. "Seto," he whined. "Not now! We still have a lot to do! Save that for Christmas!"

Seto smiled as he released his blushing Puppy.

Clearing his throat, Joey walked over to the wrapped gifts. "We're gonna have to unwrap them all and see what kinds of batteries they need. Then you'll go out and buy the batteries and we'll wrap the gifts back up."

Seto's face paled. "Are you serious?"

"Yep!"

"You better give me one hell of a good Christmas present this year," Seto said as he gave Joey a firm smack on the ass.

"Oh! Can't ya keep your perverted hands off me for one minute?"

Seto paused as if thinking. "No."

Joey huffed cutely as he stomped over to a gift and began unwrapping. "Stupid pervert."

* * *

There! They'd unwrapped all the gifts, found out what batteries they'd needed, Seto had bought all the batteries, and they'd rewrapped all the gifts.

Not bad for 7:00 pm on Christmas Eve. The kids were even in bed!

"We're finally done," Joey announced happily, stretching as he stood. He was soon intercepted by Seto.

"Then what do you say we find a nice sprig of mistletoe to make-out under?" Seto suggested.

Joey gasped. "How many times do I have to tell ya that you're not supposed to make-out under the damn mistletoe! It's for kissin' only!"

"Kissing, huh? I guess there's no rule on how intense the kissing can get. Let's go find some mistletoe, Puppy."

Seto grabbed his hand and pulled him along to find some mistletoe.

"Why? Why do ya have to be so fuckin' horny?" Joey exclaimed, trying to struggle out of Seto's grasp.

"Don't worry, Puppy. We'll get to the fucking part after the mistletoe, okay?"

"That is _not_ what I meant and ya know it! Seto!"

* * *

**End Drabble**


	11. Stale TV Specials

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh! of _The 12 Pains of Christmas_ by Bob Rivers

*Rated T for Teen

* * *

**Stale T.V. Specials**

_The eleventh thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me is stale T.V. specials._

Seto could not figure out for the life of him why Joey banned watching T.V. around Christmastime. It seemed odd and he wanted to know why.

The kids had already opened their Christmas presents since it was Christmas Day, and yet, Joey still wouldn't allow the T.V. to be on.

"Hey, Pup?"

"Yeah?" Joey responded as he watched Kai, Jovi, and Mokuba having fun with the gifts they'd received. He couldn't help the sweet smile that appeared on his face.

"How come you don't allow T.V. on Christmas?" Seto _really_ wanted an answer. It's not that he disagreed. It's just that he couldn't understand _why_.

Joey turned to face him, his smile disappearing. "Stale T.V. Specials," he replied bluntly.

"I…don't think I know what that means."

Joey turned away from him and sighed. "I don't think anyone should watch T.V. durin' Christmas. Christmas is a time for family, not watchin' commercialized T.V. specials _about _Christmas. When you're watchin' what other families are doin' for Christmas, it takes away from the memories ya could be creatin' together as a family durin' the holiday."

Seto actually understood that. "You want to watch our faces light up when we open our gifts, you want to play with the kids while they enjoy their new toys, you want to make Christmas cookies with us, make Christmas dinner for us, and share that family meal with us. You feel T.V. takes those special moments away from you."

"Exactly," said Joey, lacing his fingers with Seto's. "If ya had the T.V. on, we'd be missin' all this."

"_That_…is a tradition I don't mind starting," replied Seto with a soft smile.

Joey gave his hand an excited squeeze. Mouthing a 'thank you,' he sat on the floor so that he could help Jovi put together the new LEGO doll house she'd gotten for Christmas.

Seto sat down on the floor to help Kai with his Transformers; they needed batteries in order to work properly.

Moments like these would always be remembered because they were spent with the ones they loved.

* * *

**End Drabble**


	12. Singing Christmas Carols

Disclaimer – I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh! of _The 12 Pains of Christmas_ by Bob Rivers

*Rated T for Teen

* * *

**Singing Christmas Carols**

_The twelfth thing at Christmas that's such a pain to me is singing Christmas carols._

It wasn't that he didn't _want_ to sing. It wasn't that he didn't _like_ to sing. It wasn't that they were Christmas carols either.

It was that…he didn't know the words to any of the songs.

Joey had decided that they would get together in front of the fire before the Christmas tree, play some Christmas songs, and sing along.

But Seto didn't know any of the words! Joey did. Mokuba did. Even Kai and Jovi did.

But he didn't! He'd never had the opportunity to learn them! And he didn't want Joey to think that he didn't want to take part in their family activity because he wasn't singing. In fact, he really wanted to!

"Puppy?" Seto began, watching Joey put Christmas cookies on a plate. "Can I talk to you for a minute?"

"Sure," Joey replied happily. "What is it?"

"Um…about this Christmas carol thing, I—"

"Don't think you're backin' out of this, Seto," Joey warned him. "You're gonna sing with the rest of us, even if it kills ya."

"It's not that! I want to sing with you, but—"

"But what?" Joey was actually quite surprised that Seto _wanted _to sing Christmas carols with them. It wasn't something he pictured the brunet doing, and he figured Seto would do anything to get out of it. This little bit of news, however, surprised him somewhat.

"I don't know the songs," Seto blurted. When all Joey did was stare at him blankly, he continued. "I don't know the words to the songs. I never had the chance to learn them."

There! He'd said it! But what would Joey think? He'd probably—

"Seto, it's okay if ya don't know the words," Joey replied softly, a look of understanding appearing in his eyes.

Seto's head shot up. "You're not mad?"

"Why would I be mad?" Joey asked in disbelief. "It's not your fault if ya don't know the words. It just gives us a chance to teach them to ya, that's all."

"Thanks," Seto said shyly, averting his eyes.

"Come with me," Joey said, leading Seto out of the kitchen with the plate of cookies in his hand. He set it down on the living room table. The kids were already seated in front of the fireplace listening to Christmas carols. "Go sit down."

Shuffling around a bit, Seto saw Joey pick something up. Sitting down next to him, his Puppy handed whatever it was over to him.

It was the words to the songs!

Seto laughed in appreciation. "Hey, what do you say we start singing some Christmas carols?"

Everyone laughed, gathered round, and started singing.

It was amazing how much peace and goodwill one frantic, hectic holiday could bring. But that's the price you pay for family. You do what you can with however much or little you have, and cherish the time you share together.

Joey and Seto smiled warmly at their family as they sang. It was truly the best moment of their lives and they hoped every day they could treasure as much as they did this one.

* * *

**End Drabble**


End file.
